9.4.10

لا أستحقكِ وأكثر

لم أعهد منها صمتاً كهذا من قبل
هي بين أحضاني و كأنها غريبة
يقتلني سكوتها و يؤلمني هدوئها
اعتدت أن تتحدث وتضحك لتشاركني أحلامها وقصصها الطفولية



أسألها فيمَ تفكرين؟
فترد بابتسامة يخالطها الكذب ،لا شيئ!
ولم أكن يوماً إلا شاغلاً لتفكيرها
أعلم أني ظالماً و أني المُلام و الجبان و الخائن وأكثر



أنا سرُ تعاستها
و أعلم أني في حَقِها مُقصر
تتحمل إساءاتي ليلاً و نهاراً
ورغم ذلك تحبني بكل إخلاصٍ وجرأة وتضحية



تتحمل قسوتي
لتكتم داخلها صرخة لو أطلقتها لهدمت كل حواجز الصمت،
تخفي دموع القهر
ليفضحها احمرار وجنتيها ودمعةً فرَت من زاويةٍ عينها




أعود بذاكرتي للوراء، إلى اللقاء الأول،
الليلة التي لا تُنسى
أستجمع أدق التفاصيل و أسأل
أتذكرين أول لقاء؟



أسألها لتبتسم من دون جواب
تتعمد الصمت
ترفع رأسها،
تنظرإلي بقسوة تخفيها بقبلة على جبيني



تتقطع أوتار صوتها
تهمهم همهمات لا أفهمها
تجمع قواها و تجفف دموعها لتقول بنبرة عالية:
"أحبك و لكن روحي وصلت حدها"



أعلم أن أفعالي لا تُغتفر
وأني في النهاية لا أستحقكي و أكثر
لكن صدقيني إن أخبرتك
فأنا وبرب العزة أحبك كما لم و لن أحب أحداً من قبل









27.1.10

Too much


Whoooot I'm cross eyed , too much drugs to memorize !!
Too much side effects,mechanism of actions,contraindications ,,bla bla bla .
Simply it's too much Pharmacology!!

Would you??




Day after day,I feel worried!!
I've tried to hate you but to no avail ,I've tried to rend you out of my skin but you're deeply attached within.I can't get you off my mind !! Sleepless nights,upsetting nightmares and you're the only one who can help ..Visit me in my dreams,help me escape the awful reality, take me to the sky and let us fly high and leave this frightful world behind .

It's never too late!!


That's right !!it's never too late,but to me ,when you wait for so long for someone to begin to fall in love with you and he simply did it when you have completely lost hope ;I will say: sorry ''it is too late to love me now'' !!

29.12.09

صمت رجل




تحدثها ببرود يثلج براكين حبها الثائر
تخدرها بصمتك لتغتالها في اللحظة ألف مرة بترددك
تفعل هذا كله برتابة مللتها بقدر ما مللت انتظارك!!

تكتم مشاعرك باحتراف..
تجيد تخبئها بين ثنايا الروح وترحل..
مخلفا ورائك مساحات تقطنها أنت وحدك..
تختفي ثم تعود ثم تختفي وكأن لعبتك المفضلة معها هي "الغميضـة"..

يحتار قلمها ماذا يكتب
ترتجف اصابعها خوفاً ورهبـة
تهذي,تترنح,تتساءل..
ما العمل؟
مادمت لها حقيقة يصعب ان تقر بها
صمتاً يأبى النطق

هل تقتلعك من ذاكرة امتلأت بك؟
هل تعلن تمردها على دستور الألم والحياة؟
هل تلقي بهما بعيداً ولا تلقي بالا سوى لعقلها والمنطق

هل تشيع لك الحروف أم تنتظر منك الكلمات
هل تدير ظهرها وتمضي الى أبعد نقطة عنك
أم تبقى لتتصنع لامبالاتها بالبعد
فتأرجحها بين الحب واللاحب لن يدوم طويلا


فهيا ارحمها ايها الرجل الصامت
واوقظ ابجديتك وقلها
قل احبــك لتكملوا الدرب
وإلا فلتحزم حقائبك وترحل عنها رحيل لا رجعـة فيـه

5.12.09

P.S. I LOVE YOU


Just when I think I can't love you more, you prove me wrong.

You are all I can think about,You are all I can dream about.My life is in you,and I have to confess that I do not want to leave and I wont!

Life is ironic,isn't it?
Should we fight for the people whom we love or just let them go?

Time is running out,clock is ticking and I am the one who should decide.
I've tried to give you up but I am totally addicted.


Every time I think I can't love you more,you prove me wrong.

I never thought I will fight for love,but you,you deserve it.And I would wait for you for the rest of my life.I want you to be my man,the father of my babies and the husband I ever want.

Love,want you to know that if you get tired in the way,don't worry.I'll stop for you,hold your hand and build up your strength again.My road,my journey is with you.It is you.It's always been that way and that was the choice I made.


Every time I think I can't love you more,you prove me wrong.

We belong together,and there's nothing that I would not give even If it meant I will wait for you forever!
You've got a smile that could light up this whole dark city and all of my black thoughts.Give me the strength I need and let us face our world together.

P.S. I LOVE YOU

4.12.09

The Night of Death


I see flashes of light straight ahead.
Unwillingly,I cross through the white shadow.

God sent angels to take me there.
I can hear their voices,they're coming.

And as I stare up at the ceiling,
I realize that I am dying.

No more dreams about tomorrow.
Nevermore will I contemplate death.

And as I stare up at the ceiling,
I realize that I am dying.

No more tears to shed,
Nevermore grief to heal.

I hold on tight,
And before my eyes close,
I see scenes of my life.

And now,they're all gone,
Gone from my sight.

And now I'm up here,
Far away from fear.
As lonely as can be,
To live in eternity.

8.10.09

LET'EM GO!!''quote''


If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were. -Khalil Gibran-

I'm alive!!


After all the ups and downs I had in the last three months,I'm alive. for personal issues, I've neglected this blog .

A new day has come and a new academic year has just started.I cant believe that I'm in my fourth year.few changes have happened, Dr.Murshid is no longer our dean! And Dr.Abdul Qader Allam is the new dean of Medicine college in Taibah University now.beside I'm not going to start clinical year this semester,we'll finish Pharmacology course in addition to Behavioral science and Prophetical Medicine. The second semester will be for Surgery and Medicine in addition to Radiology and Genetics!

Okay, life is not always full of butterflies!,so now is the time for me to redouble my efforts and make sure that Medicine come out on top!I can win this one.

And as Dad says "Even though life sucks sometimes and even though you lose people you love,don't give up. You never know who will come into your life and make it better" .

15.7.09

It's summer time!



After two months of hell,here I am !done with my third year of med school !So I’m a 4th year student now, a big girl, finally! My results were fine al7amdulillah :)
I think I did everything I've should except 1 thing:
I didn't take first three years of med school seriously enough. Everyone kept telling me, don't worry ,go out and have fun. I think I took it too literally, and it's ruining my chances of scholarships as I don't have the greatest GPA anymore. it's going to be a tough three more years to try and get it up high.


summer plans!Nothing ,I just canceled my training in King Fahad Hospital in Jeddah!! I just want to relax ad enjoy my time as much as I can , I want to clear mind and inshallah I intend to start studying some of things we’ll be taking next year so that I’m somehow prepared when it begins !!

I am flying to Cairo on Tuesday with my sister and brother inshallah. Hope it would be a safe flight!!

Enjoy it all :)

27.5.09

counting down!




It is that time of year again, the Med School Finals have rolled around. This is the most exciting part of the semester ,all students fight it out to decide who is the best in the college. Not me surely.

June 13th is the day when I start my finals!! so I’m going to take a short break from every thing. I’ll be busy studying and trying my best to finish my third year of Med school with a good grade inshallah.The exams are 2 weeks away and I should start studying seriously .I already did ,I am doing my Practical Exams these days and I never felt that I am a med student as I do these very moments.A part of me always knew that this whole med school thing would try to consume my life.Now that part is saying, “I told you so.” I feel as if I ran out of energy!

Anyhow,when sacrifice became a must,and you should forsake all the pleasures.It's not a great feeling unless it give you a hope that the more work you do the best grades you are going to have.This nightmare will last only for one month.I hope I did well in my exams because I really need to pass this year badly.


So, let me say that the countdown has just started: 30,29, 28,27,26,........1

Glory Glory Manchester United !



The day has finally arrived.
Manchester United vs. Barcelona.
Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi.


All eyes will point towards Rome this evening.The UEFA Champions League Final will kick off today in Rome’s Stadio Olimpico and it will provide us with the dream match.

This match, traditionally one of the most important of the footballing calendar features, two sides who arguably are the very best in Europe: Manchester United are current English Premier League champions; Barcelona have won the Spanish Primer Division. Both sides have won domestic cup competitions this term, too.

And if the Manchester United win the 4th title, they will become the first club to repeat the AC Milan’s feat who won the European Champion Clubs’ Cup twice 2 decades back in 1989 and 1990. It becomes such a huge plus to the Britain football as such.

Manchester United''my love'' earlier won European Champion Clubs’ Cup (the earlier name of Champions League) in 1968, then 1999 and 2008. Barcelona; however, won first European Champions Cup in 1992 and then in 2006''so arta7o ma 7ayfoozo :p''.


So, Manchester United is going to be the Champ .

21.5.09

بعد مدرسة الحب

ما زلت أحبك ,
و أحب أياما قضيتها معك,
رغم دموع ذرفتها في غيابك,
و رغم عيشي لجحيم لا يطاق معك,
ما زلت أبحث في وجوه الرجال عمن يشبهك.

ألأني أستلذ عذابي بقربك؟
أم لأني أهوى مرارة الدموع ؟

أهي مدرسة الحب ؟
و أن الدمع هو الإنسان؟
أم لاقتناعنا أن الإنسان بلا حزن ذكرى إنسان , كما قال نزار.


تبقى علامات التعجب حائرة,
و ستظل التفسيرات عاجزة.
إلى حين هدم مدرسة الحب.

Earthquakes

A 5.7 magnitude earthquake rattled Al-Ais area in Madinah province Tuesday night and caused minor property damage.Eight hundred people, including families, were evacuated from the villages have been housed in Madinah and Yanbu. They have been given accommodation at furnished apartments and hotels. A series of several quakes was felt the couple nights before this one.

We felt the tremors here in Madinah , it was the frightening experience ever!
It felt like the earth was spinning around me at 8.30 . At first I thought that my sister is moving some furniture in her room but she said she too had the same experience and noticed the furniture in her room shaking.

Maj. Gen. Saleh Al-Muhawwis of the Madinah Civil Defense assured the public that the tremors in the holy city were natural sequels to the tremors in Al-Ais.



روى ابن أبي شيبة في مصنفه والحاكم في مستدركه، وغيرهما بسند صحيح والبيهقي في الدلائل بسند صحيح من حديث صفية بنت أبي عبيد. أن الأرض تزلزلت على عهد عمر بن الخطاب فخرج عمر وقال: ((والله ما تزلزلت إلا لأمر أحدثتموه، والله إن عادت لا أساكنكم فيها أبداً ))

27.4.09

Writer's & Mental block !!

I remember about a month ago when I wanted to talk so bad, but then I didn't find an ear to listen. Now I feel like the words were lost forever. I try to talk, get my fears out , but the words refuse to come out.
Even the ideas refuse to come to my mind. Everytime I try to collect my thoughts I remember how hard I have to work to finish what I have to finish.
What's happening to my life,to me and to my tiny brain? I wish it wasn't me who had to answer this question, but unfortunately there's nobody but me.
Again I say, I stand completely alone, lost, and with a mind that refuse to work.I've been venting for weeks.

I want to write and do something meaningful. I want to speak my mind. I want to express whatever I am feeling.why is that hard to do so?

19.2.09

There's No Tomorrow!!




I put the gun in my head and pulled the trigger.
For the hundredth time I thought, there , I may be better .
Is there something that I seek?
Is there a way to know what I need ?

I crossed the way.
I walked in the less traveled by .
I won't live to see another day
I stopped to find that I was stray.

In that place ,

I stood frozen in my place while my heart was racing.
Tongue-tied while my adrenaline was highly pumping .
I was losing my identity.
I thought ,I would never live for eternity.

Troubled I was.
Barely breathing with the too little air around.
I was definitely drowning in the Ocean.
I lost every hope and I couldn't look forward.

This loneliness was eating me inside.
Now the whole world know what I lost.
Walking in parallel lines where there is no end to arrive .
Surrounded by darkness, no where to hide.

But I'll have to accept that what will come, will go.
Tomorrow always brings hope which we all know,
it might never comes.
It might never appears .


In that way,

No matter how fast I ran, I couldn't catch up to it.
No matter how loud I called, no one there ever listened.
No matter how much I fought, but to no avail.
No matter how I screamed , no one felt my pain.

Is there something that I can't see?
''it's just a matter of time I'm sure "
sound came from the back of my head.
sound always make me feel someone's near .

Am I still alive?
Do I confusing my dreams with reality?

Confusion is suffocating me, I'm up to my head now !!

I won't live to see another day
Am I just like her, or her like me?
Is there a lesson to learn?
A new reason to live?

I hope so ..

2.12.08

November!!


I turned 20 years this November .
yupeeee I'm officially an adult now :D.

Finally, I met someone who could change my mind !!

I lost 2 kilos during exams , I'll do my best to regain them in the Hajj vacation .

Doing thing you never did before is amazing.
I'm so glad that I had the chance to try .

I know that saying goodbye is never easy , but I'll try to keep him with me as much as I can !!

I remembered that I did a big mistake the last month !!
I'm sorry for the things that I had done , you know, you are someone special and
I never meant to hurt you.
or do something that ruin your life .

please accept my apologies.

أحبك


حبك, ولا أعلم ان كنت تبادلني الشعور
أحلم بك كل ليلة , و لا يهمني ان كنت تحلم بي
حين أشعر باشتياقك, تغمرني فرحة و سرور
لكن , هل العشق و الهوى هو سر تعلقك بي ؟؟


أحبك, أشتهي قولها في كل حديث
أتمنى مواجهتك بها في كل لقاء
أخاف أن أنطقها فينتهي معها حلمي الجميل
أتساءل هل قدري أن أقولها حين نلتقي في السماء؟


أحبك وأنت أقرب الي من حبل الوريد
أهم بقولها لكني أشعر بقلبي يتألم بين أضلعي
أنتظرك أن تبدأ!!لكني أعلم كم أنت ضعيف
صدقاً لا أخفي عليك , حبي لك تجاوز حبي لنفسي


أحبك, أقولها و أنا خائفة من مصير مجهول
صداها في أذني يشعل نارا أ في قلبي كل يوم
فقدت هويتي في عشقك و لم أعرف من أكون
سوى أني عاشقة من يقسو علي يوماً بعد يوم


أحبك و أفقد كبريائي لأجلك
أعشقك عشقا ً جعلني أسخر نفسي لك
لم أتمنى رضى رجل سواك
ولم تمنح طاعة كاملة عمياء لأحد من قبلك


أحبك وأصلي ربي و أدعوه أن تكون لي
إلهي , أنت العالم كم أفرح بوجوده جواري
فاجمعنا يا الله في أقرب وقت و ارزقنا سعادة الدارين
و أدمها علينا و اجعلها لا تفارق العينين

لحظة وداع


تجبرني الظروف على اعادة النظر في قراراتي.أنا سعيدة لكنن قوانين الحياة تتعمد تعاستي و تتمنى دوام وحدتي .تعبت الانتظار و لا أرغب في إكمال معاناة أنا في غنى عنها الآن .

أخاف البعد عنك , لكني أعلم أن الفراق هو نهاية قصتي معك!!
وقت رحيلي قرب و سأذهب قريبا ً لأرح قلبك و قلبي .

أستغل كل الفرص لأسعدك ,لا أرفض لك أمر بل أبالغ فأسعى لرسم البسمة على شفتيك متى استطعت.أترك لك ذكرى مني في كل مكان .لا أرغب في نسيانك و لا أتمنى أن تنساني .لكن في نظري البعد هو الأختيلر الأنسب لنا.

لا أعلم ان كان ذنبي أني ظهرت في حياتك أم هي قسوة زماني التي حددت موعد لقائنا في وقت ضائع !!
أفكاري مبعثرة , قلبي يتقطع لأشلاء و عدتك أن أترك القرار للوقت لكني تعبت. فقد مر الكثير و لم يتحرك لك ساكن .لأ أملك تفسيراً ولا حتى مبررا ً للتأخير .أنت تعلم كم تعني لي تلك الكلمة , لم لا تطلقها و حسب ؟؟

رغم سعادتي اللامنتهية معك , سأضع حدا ً لها . فقلبك فشل في تهجي الكلمات . أنا لا أملك سوى الاستسلام و ترك لك ذكريات ربما قد تأتي على خاطرك يوماً ما .


لطالما أخبرتك كم أكره لحظات الوداع , انما أنا اليوم أستعد لأصعب لحظة قد تكون الأجمل في الحقيقة .
سأكمل طريقي وحيدة, لن أخبرك كم أنت جبان أو كم أنت ضعيف لأني في هذه اللحظة فقط أدركت كم تحبني لكن ليس كما أستحق , ليس كما أريد

4.11.08

Rain


Rain is amazing. I love rain. I don't care if I'm inside or outside. I love the feeling of rain.I love it falling on my face . I love watching the rain trickle down my window, as I listen to my favourite song!
When it rains, I don't mind being lonely and say my prayers!


(( مُطِرنا بفضل الله ورحمته ))
(( اللهم حوالينا ولا علينا. اللهم على الآكام والظِّراب، وبطون الأودية، ومنابت الشجر )).

15.10.08

New Year,New Start.


Here I go !!seems it's my first year of Med school but it's not indeed. I'm 3rd year med student now !! can you imagine how great it is??


I didn't take the last two years seriously enough. Fortunately , it didn't ruin my chances and opportunities to have the greatest GPA I could have. At this very moment, 'm passing the midway of med school .I know it's going to be more tough four years to try and to get it up high! I can't wait time to pass by and get there .To the last day of my final year.


This year, I have to finish physiology course and the rest of Anatomy - head and neck - which I had started last year . yeah and never forget the Neuroanatomy. I also have these new , complicated and foreign subjects : Microbiology, Parasitology and Pathology. I aim for an A this year although it sounds impossible but who knows!! I might achieve it .I'm seeking for being one of the top students of my class this year. I would do my best, try every effort to achieve my goal.


So, I wish you all the best of luck in school .


p.s.
I liked the first week of school and I already started studying. deserve to be recorded down in history, doesn't it ??"

21.9.08

مشاعر متضاربة

أنا لم أعد أنا
أحلامي لم تعد أحلامي
أفكاري كلها أصبحت ملكا ًلك أنت
قلبي لم يعد ينبض كالسابق
في جوفي اثنتان
أشتاق لصمتك و أتجاهل حديثك ,يعجبني تلعثمك و يستفزني اندفاعك.
أعشقك في الليل و أكرهك في النهار,فلتعذرني حبيبي
انفجر غضباً لعدم رؤيتك اليوم, وأمزق صورتك غدًا!!
سيدي ,أهم رجل أنت في هذه اللحظة و أعاملك كنكرة
أتوسلك أن تبقى عند الوداع ,و أتناسى موعدنا بالأمس..
ليتني أعلم ماذا أريد أن أكون؟؟لا بل ليتني أعلم ماذا تريدني أن أكون؟؟فلم أعد احتمل قوتي و ضعفي في حبك.

31.8.08

A sign.


I knew that it was you.I felt you . Even though I was asleep. I heard you whispering ''I'm sorry". I smelt the scent of your breath.I felt your desire while you were hugging me .I felt us , body and soul, again.I felt you kissing my forehead.I felt your hand wiping tears rolling down my cheek ,softly.


I thought it was a dream. No ,it was absolutely not .
It's a wish that became true. It's a sign from God.
Your shirt on the floor,your watch and your ring on the drawers, proved that you were here,you were real !!

رمضان مبارك


سأحبك يا الله أكثر, سأحبك يا رمضان أكثر, سأحبك يا قرآني أكثر و أكثر.
ربي, سأعبدك بكل ما لدي من طاقة حتى ترضى عني .
أعدك أن يكون رمضان هذا نقطة تحول للأفضل .
يا الله
املأ قلوبنا بحبك و حب نبيك صلى الله عليه و سلم
.اللهم قدرنا على صيام شهرك الفضيل و قيامه
* Thanks for Bahi Mashat for allowing me to post his own photoraphy on my Blog.

24.8.08

I am all yours..anytime and anywhere ..






whenever you feel that you are alone, know that i'll be there for you .

whenever you feel you need someone to listen to you ,you can have my ears .

whenever you are sad,i'll make your smile cheerful..whenever you want to cry ,you can lean on my shoulder.

whenever you can't hide , you can run to me .

whenever you need someone to talk with , you can knock my door

whenever you you are depressed , i'll cheer you up.

whenever your days get hard on you ,i promise ,i'll never hide.

whenever you need something to heal your wound, I can heal them for you .

whenever you look for someone , I can be the one you are searching for .

whenever you need someone who cares ,I would give what you need.

whenever you need a lover ,I can be one .

whenever you seek for happiness , you will find me the smile your heart will hold.


And if you felt nothing at all through my words !! I'm sure you will ,but in HEAVEN ...

19.8.08

Quote!!


"There is no point in witnessing the destruction of a man who is thoroughly virtuous or who is thoroughly corrupt "-Aristotle.

My name

I was named because of this stupid cartoon!!!

my older sister suggested this name because she was in love with the main character of it !!!

I hate you sis and I hate you Sawsan !!!

uuuuuuhhhh:@ I wish if I can pick my self a new one and change this :)

14.8.08

Random thoughts


I promise i'll start to take my days one at a time..


Noticed that waiting for that special one to appear only makes him dissapear..


Giving up or fighting for them a choice I haven't made yet..


Still seeking to know why persons we like are the ones that are always AWAY..


I try over and over again to look for the strenghth inside me and when I did,I will stand there and tell you that I will STOP , I will QUIT ..


Foolish and sometimes stupid but I don't care at least I'm trying to be myself..

My logo is and will always be to ignore everyone around me and do what I feel is right..

11.8.08

@ this very moment!!

It's a series of posts I'm going to write about what I am feel at very special moments ;)
so let me start ...


At this very moment , I'm dazed and confused!!
I hope every thing will go well in the next few days :) I'm going to take an imprtant decision.Yeah, and a big, happy thing may happen. "I hope so "
Lately, I was contemplating certain people , the past and my fate .Frankly, I was dead inside - thank God I survived-and I'm looking for the better that wil happen now .

1.8.08

When I grow up!!


When I grow up, I'll be more organized .I'll forget this mess I'm living in. No more searching through my purse in order to find the reminder card for an appointment that always turns out to have been yesterday! I want to have order and peace of mind. No more looking for my black T-shirt for hours and asking everyone if they have seen it, then realizing that I forgot it at my friend's house!I'll try to know exactly where I put my things. I'll do my best to be more mindful and I'll work hard on appreciating money so by the time I'm older I'll be capable of saving it.

When I grow up, I want to get rid of my social phobia and all of those bad habits. I'll try to meet new people, talk in a group, speak in public, participate in everyday social situations and enjoy their activities.


What I'm truly waiting for is that self confidence that makes me open up and focus on not only being a good listener but a good speaker, too.
When I grow up, I won't mind making as many mistakes as I can, not on purpose of course but to learn from them how to live right for the rest of my life because in my belief, mistakes only make me better and better.

My Dear Parents

When I grow up, I promise I'll never leave you alone. I'll pay you back for every single moment you made me happy. I'll realize how often your time and energy were devoted to me. I'll appreciate each and every tear you cried for me and every heartache you’ve known because of me. I would put all of my effort to be there for you Mum and Dad to be by your side whenever you need me. I will do my best to spend more time with you than my own family. And I'll never ever forgive myself if you thought if only for seconds of going to a nursing home seeking for care while I'm still alive.

My Hubby

When I grow up I'd love to choose a good husband and I'll think over and over before I say that 'yes'.
When we're together, I assure you you'll never feel lonely, I'll never be shy to tell you that I have dreamed my whole life about having someone as wonderful as you are.


I'll keep on telling you that I have never thought that there was someone in this world that can love me the way you do.
I'll give you myself as a wife, and I promise to treasure you for all of my days and I'll give you all the love you deserve. You are going to be my partner, loving what I know about you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow up together, and falling in love a little more every day.
I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us. We were born to be together and for each other.


My little lovely babies ((Joud & Amr)) I chose their names already :p

When I grow up, I'll make every effort to make you happy. I know I'm super thin Mummy but I'll try to gain more weight. I will eat healthy food and I'll stop fizzy drinks, just for your sake .When I get pregnant, I'll absolutely eat very well to feed you. I'll buy you nice bodysuits and sleepers. I'll get you a room. For you Joud, I'll choose the loveliest pinky room and for you Amr, a cute light green one.


I promise you I would never treat you bad, or unfair. I'll feed you, change your diapers, I'll hold your hands while we're crossing the street, kiss you and hold you in my arms every time you cry. At night I'll be with you until you fall asleep like angels and kiss your forehead both. And if you ever get sick, I'll run to you and hold you tight, take you to the hospital and take care of you till you get better.And If I ever hear you wailing in pain ,you'll find me there close enough to hug you, secure you, to make you feel that worth your loving mum everything is going to be ok.
And most of all I'll love you forever and be there for you both, anytime you want.


Well the 4 months are coming to an end and soon I'll be getting rid of the TEENAGE thing but despites that, deep inside me I still believe I would never GROW UP!!

31.7.08

Mohanned's fever!!!


or kivanc Tatlitug who every one is getting crazy about him and the soap opera that he's acting in .
even my 6 years' niece :S what the hell !!!he's not handsome at all but people think he's charming romantic hunk .heey people even the part portrayed by him is baaaaaaaaaaaaaad :@

30.7.08

What Should I Do ???








I'm 105 lbs and 5.6 feet.

Although everyone may seem envious of you, trying to find clothes out can be more difficult than it seems..Regardless all the stupid comments and people using the scornful remarks when they need to call or mention your name.This week I've been fleered three times from online friends ;one of them told me that I'm vanishing and the next year I'll weigh 50 lbs just like her little sister.


My jeans size was 10 two years ago and now I'm wearing 6 :S
I need to get more few pounds then I can be a model :P in addition to ((it would never happen )) more few cintemeters.I'm eating as much I can to reach that stupid 52 kilos ! God help me :)

I belive that trying to keep weight on can be just as much trouble as trying to keep it off.




22.7.08

thanks 9o9o ;)

fy that's what 9o9o wrote when I told her that one of my friends who was disapeared just talked to me again ... I used to talk with him for hours and hours and she knows that I'm super dooper HAPPY cuz he's back :Dshe asked me to write something or she will if I don't ... I wrote nothing actually BUT look how sweet she is :D :D thanks 9o9o


فرحتنا بعودتهم

تقلب فرحتنا بعودتهم موازين قناعاتنا وتتصارع بداخلنا مشاعر غضب مزجت بأرواحنا لتغطي مساحات غيابهم ومشاعر سعادة تراقصت عند رويتنا لمحياهم..ففي اوج لحظات شوقنا نراهم امامنا يطلو علينا فتصبح عودتهم واقع نلامسه يكسر تلك الحواجز التي استطاعت ان تُشيد نفسها بداخلنا..حواجز تجعلنا نغض الطرف عن جرحهم لقلب اخلص وقوبل اخلاصه برحيل مفاجئ..!!نتصنع عدم اهتمامنا بأسباب ذلك البعد الجارح وان ما يهم انهم عادو واذابو برجوعهم ثلوج من مشاعر تجمدت في غيابهم..
!!نخفي بداخلنا قصة انين مملوءة بخوف بأن بعدهم سيصهر مشاعرنا فلا نجد من يطفئ لوعة فراقنا ويعطي تلك القصه الامــان فلا جدوى من سردها ماداموا لن يشعروا بها من ذواتهم..فما دمنا اجزمنا على أن نخفي سرا يكبت على انفاسنا بأن الامان كان معهم وحدهم ولكن برحيلهم ضاع وتلاشى نلقي بخوفنا بعيدا كي لا يشع من ارواحنا المنهكهفنمزج حديثنا بمجاملات اعتادوا على سماعها حتى احبوها وبتنا نسردها لهم في كل لقاءنخبرهم بأنهم عادو فأعادوا بهجه نسيتها ارواحنا وبأن اختفائهم سرق منا بسمة كانت تعتلي ثغورناوبأننا قبل معانقه ارواحهم لنا لم نكن سوى هوامش وضعت بجانب الحياه غير مكترثين سوى بإنتظارهم..ونبقى فقط بضمير يشتعل تأنيبا ليصرخ بنا كفى تقليلا لذواتنا التي ظلمت عند مرور فكرة انهم استحقوا اكثر مما نستحق وان هاجس الفرحه كان لا يكتمل الا بهم

14.7.08

second chance.. I don't think so !!


If someone((your ex)) is begging for a second chance would you give him one ?? Or you make him prove that he really deserve it.he tries to crawl back into your life and you don’t know whether or not your relationship deserves a second chance .

it's hard to make a decision but If I have to put thought into whether the happy times surpassed the sad times, the answer should be clear: he don't deserve a second chance because he didn’t make me happy. Giving him another chance will only cause me to revisit the past and encounter the same problems over again.

All relationships have their ups and downs . And if I was the cheater or the problems maker ,I wouldn't ask for any chance ..Because in my opinion our relationship lost the encompassed special something that is worth working out.

13.7.08

let me live!!


I hate the way you look at me , criticize me and I hate it when people gossiping about me, but this would n' t faze me at all..I am making mistakes .. I know but I don't care.I want to live my life the way I like peacefully. why don’t you just leave me do what I want??stop offering me any help without asking , I'm a big girl and I can decide what is good for me ..my heart and the sound in the back of my head are what I need to follow only . don’t even try to change my mind let me get some life experience! One of my simple rights is to have my own life , is not it ??

26.6.08

One more year has come and gone ..




Really it wasn't my YEAR at all !!!I finished this long year which was full of sorrow and tears ..Many moments came and I was lonely, holding on to past hurts and pains ..
This year ...I lost a friend , I lost my grandfather and I lost the only person I had loved ..This year..when life got hard on me,I learned How to be tough and how to be strong .This year ... I Felt my misery and my pain..I knew that fear,tears and misery were there to remind me that there is somewhere there something is worth waiting for;something better..yeah and I was lucky to find what is it ,,I found people supporting me ,understanding me and cheering me up .. YOU .. make my presence lively and my laugh cheerful :D
Thank you all ,,and really I'll miss you so much so let me sum up : this year I've been sad , I've been lonely , Ive been lost then I've been happy :)

18.6.08

إلى متى؟؟


سئمت ذلك الصمت .. كرهت حماقتي
"إلى متى سأظل في عينيه"المغفلة
نعم فكبرياء ذلك الرجل جرحني .. لم تهزه أحزاني و لم يغيره عطائي اللا محدود
قطعت عهدا على نفسي بان لا اكرر أخطائي .. و لكنني نكثته
بالرغم من قسوته علي.. استهزائه بي .. استحقاره لتصرفاتي جحوده لكل ما أفعله... كلماته التي لا أفهمها
فرحة تعتليني و بسمة ترسم على شفتاي و أنا معه .. غرور يتملكني عندما يهمس ((تعالي إلي))
سيظل حبا لا بل عشقا يسكن جسدي حتى الموت
فخورة بحماقتي
لا يهمني كل ما يفعل و سأعتبر كل ما يقدمه لي عشقاً أبدياً لي حتى و ان قدم اللا شيء ,لن أهتم إن أحب غيري..
و سأعشقه حتى اللحظة الأخيرة .. لعل صدى أنيني يبدل الحال
على أمل أن تحدث معجزة .. كأن يتغير البشر و العالم الألوان و يتغير معها ذلك الإنسانز لعله يحلم باللقاء أو يطاردني عند الوداع.
أما إذا استمر في الجفاء فسأكتفي برؤيتنا في أحلامي .. لأجعل من ذلك نهاية محتمة لحبي المجنون له

16.6.08

what love can do !!


and now I'm hating you more than you think I am ....

5.5.08

HALA MADRID :D






yesterday I cried for 5 or 6 hours for unknown reason I just had that feeling , I need to cry. I didn't stop till one of my friends told me that they won ..I didn't know what he's talking about. Iasked him won what ???

he said (( fozna bel ka2s ,, real madrid fareegy faaaz )) it was like uhh I totally forgot about it . it
was Osasuna vs Real Madrid match :S . I promised my self to watch all the team's matches
BUT

I missed the most important one :(

I might not know too much about football indeed but I love that team :D really I like it and don't ask me why ?!

they just won their 31st Spanish league title :D :D
after posting a 2-1 victory over Osasuna.
of course because i'm curious I tried to know what are the years that they had won the Spanish champions in!!! ..they won in 1932, 1933, 1954, 1955, 1957, 1958, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1972, 1975, 1976, 1978, 1979, 1980, 1986, 1987, 1988<---- i'm so happy they won the 1988's champion (( Iwas born in 1988)) :p, 1989, 1990, 1995, 1997, 2001, 2003, 2007 &2008
congratulations and thank you real madrid
you made me very happy at the end of the day
P.S they really make me happy but I'm still crying :'(

28.4.08

rain memories


it was 7.15 a.m I just lock my room's door and was going out to catch the 8 a.m class .I heard rainfall from the window .. yaaay it had been some time since I saw rain :( .. if I'm not wrong maybe a year :S .I love the fresh smell it gives to the world and I love the song it sings with trees ..so,I stretch my hand out of the window and feel the cold chilly drops on my warm hands like a child :D
I tried to taste it ..it is holly water … is n't it ??
I went ahead to do something crazy I walkd in the rain and felt the holly water washing my face… washing away my pain and my guilt .. washing away the stiffness that diseased my life.. I thanked GOD ..pleased him to not deprive us from HIS holly water . I prayed and made a little wish ... I hope it become true :)






25.4.08

love you my flats :D

many of us love high heels, others don't wear them very often. Some are intimidated by high heels, while others have just never had the occasion to wear high heels.
You can wear heels whenever you please .but I don't like them.I find all the comfort whith flats but some times I have to wear the freaken high heeled shoes in the special occasions :S .
Couple of days ago in the school , I walked next to a girl . there was something strange about her walking . after staring at her shoes; I realised the problem .I think it was her first time to wear high heels.I noticed that many girls seemed to be having quite a bit of difficulty walking in their high heels . it really hurts to watch. If you’re clomping around like a bad transvestite, the desired effect of looking elegant and glamorous is usually lost. Not to mention, a complete waste of good shoes .
so girls please practice walking in high heals before you wear them :) OR don't wear them they are not that necessary ..

11.4.08

we are all dead if it is TRUE!!




STUDY=FAIL
Studying is a huge part of being a student. Although studying can be a challenge, but in my opinion such a thing never could happen.
It happens with most of us all the time!! U tell yourself that you want to do well and look at all the advantages a good education can bring. Do your homework in order to not known as the student who is always late turning in his/her assignments. If there is extra credit offered in a class, do that as well. Study hard for your tests. Read up on your daily lessons .Try to plan for your future, Ask yourself what you want to achieve, what you want to do and how you can realistically achieve it. Ask your family to support and help you and seek advice from teachers, lecturers and others who can help. try to think of the future rewards of studying hard now and you will get there .
All I know is that GOD had said : {Verily, as for those who believed and did righteous deeds ,certainly we shall not make the reward of anyone who does his deeds in the most perfect manner to be lost} .
So, if you work hard you will achieve what are you seeking for because only ALLAH knows how much effort you had did . how much you gave you will be given.
I believe in ALLAH and I am satisfied with what he gave and will give me. ALLAH knows what is the best for us. And I am sure ALLAH will reward us the best of everything.

6.4.08

choosing my specialty.


For being a doctor I must have a specialty. I know one day I would be forced to choose a one. Maybe it's a thing that I can decide it later in my life but I think it's better to set a goal at my early life and it makes clinical experiences gained in medical school even more important. I thought having a list with the most likely ones could help.

Although the choices are many but to me as a student in the second year of Medical School ,they will be random. Also because I didn't spend any time in hospitals or rotate in different clinical specialties. I am so confused between Medicine and Surgery. I'm not sure if I would still the same or I would change somehow after graduating. I am trying to have an idea about the possible branches of Medicine or Surgery I will pursue. I am so hesitated in choosing a one. But of course I prefer Surgery branches.

Later, the list may be less than now and changeable according to m y moody changes and the extra courses which I will have. The list will include some suggested branches from family members and friends. so, let me start:


1.Plastic surgery((My dream))
2.Surgical Oncology.
3.Oncology.
4.Allergy & Immunology.
5.Anesethiology.
6.Emergency medicine.
7.Transplant surgery.
8.Opthalmology.
9.Endocrinology.
10.Intensive care medicine.
11.Ortheopedic surgery.
12.Medical genetics.




21.3.08

I feel lonely:(


the hardest moment in your life when you feel that you are ALONE .....

6.3.08

some day

Being together is all what I'm seeking for,
but I'm fraid to pass through that door.
I don't want to be alone forever,
all I need is sharing our moments together.


Then I say ''some day''

To risk I think I'm not brave enough,
so,please don't be tough.
all I wait is a little sign ,
and every thing will be fine.


Then I say maybe ''some day''

Although I loved you from the very first chat,
I couldn't tell you that,
but I think you are smart
And you know that without you I feel LOST !!

I have to wait and say '' some day'' you may START!!

22.2.08

The Unexpected pass!!

Today, I've got this feeling that I'll get shocking news about my exams results . I made a promise to my self & I had told a friend couple of days ago that I'll not be foiled whatever the grades. what happened is after my physiology lecture on my way to the Dissection to have the Anatomy lecture, there was a crowd in front of the table which students used to see the results on it.
I realized that the results are out!! I stood in front of it. Of course, I didn't incur the burden of looking for my ID. It was on the top of the list as usual . I took a quick look , assured that I am pass ,then I had completed my way to Dissection .
I barely pass with 3 Cs, a single B And a single D !! although the results weren't that good but I was glad. but only for short time .Then ,grief start to enter my heart slowly and I felt guilty , I admit that I didn't study very well the first term. I'm not that kind of girls .I don't prefer to pass with these grades . Really I want to get an A at the end of the year. So ,I'll concentrate on studying even I had to lock
my self home because I need to change my ''Unexpected Pass ''conception!!

18.2.08

Thank You !!

Many have tried to reach my heart before you ,but no one got there. only you" dear " had a complete ownership of my heart. I loved you,, you was the love of my life ,, but you broke my heart into pieces,, you left me alone it was easy for you to say goodbye.

yeah that's right,, I still feel your presence by my side, but it is illogical that I'll be like that for ever. I must move on and let every thing go even if I had to forget all the beautiful memories ..

Just to know "sweetie ".. I'm thanking you for leaving me. really! that's make me stronger. Because of you I knew who I am. I found my lost dream and I knew that you don't deserve me,, I realized that you wasn't what I'm looking for .. I'm glad , I didn't waste another moments loving you . So, good bye now ,, because I have another life to live..